What a weekend!

Well the weekend started a day early for me. On Thursday my boss and I decided I needed a day off to relax. SO I take Friday off. My car was in the shop and I was going to carpool to work with my dad. Joey had Josh the whole day due to he was going to go to Philly to see his sister. I was so happy to get a day alone! I told Joey I was taking off Friday and he FLIPPED OUT ON ME! He said why are you taking off on a day that I was going to take Josh to Philly to see my sister and I wanted to do it alone. How is it going to look after I told her you were working that we all show up at her house. What do you not trust me? He made me feel like I was the size of a pea the way he yelled at me. I retaliated saying I and taking a day off bvecause I NEED IT! I told him had no intentions fo going to his sisters because even if I wanted to I couldn't go. The only vehicle we have is his truck and it only seats 2! After I said that too him he just said "Oh". I continued saying I will stay home and get some work done around the house and relax. Joey didn't like that he said well how is it going to look if I go up there without you and they find out you are home and then they think you are avoiding them. I then told Joey I have no choice to not go...there is NO ROOM! I told him he does not need to tell his family I am home just pretend I am at work. I mean DAMN all I wanted was a day off and away from the office stress. Joey appoligized to me (I don't know if he actually MEANT it but he said it).

Now I get home from work after I pick Josh up from my mom's (she watched him the afternoon).

I get into the door and noticed Josh had more diahrea...this was his 5th diaper of the day at this point. then another 30 minutes later another and it kept going like this ALL NIGHT! Joey noticed while I was in the shower that Josh's soft spot was sinking in. OK Call into the pediatrician. While waiting for the call back I started pedialyte. The pediatrician said I was doing everything right and added a few other things to do with food. In a few hours his head was normal again (soft spot). Everything was such a mess! I looked at Joey and said I think you should reconsider your trip tomorrow if this continues...he agreed. Josh was just as happy as can be just couldn't keep a diaper on him for longer than 30 minutes it seemed. Good thing I already had the day off.

So now it is Friday morning and Joey plans to leave around 11:00am and by then we were already on diaper # 4 for the day. Joey called his sister and cancelled but rescheduled for Thursday of this week. Funny thing was she was going to cancel on him anyway.

Friday we also found out that at 3am Joey's dad had a deadly shooting on his street and now we are hoping his dad will reconsider his living on that street. He lives in a BAD neighborhood in Philly.

So we all spent the day as a family and just enjoy each other. Went for a walk in-between diapers. Found some homes in my development that Joey's dad might consider. All in all we had a good day together. PLUS we got to pick up my van and the cost of repairs was nothing like we thought it would have been.

I was bummed I didn't get my day alone BUT I DID get some alone time that day.

Saturday we get a phone call from Joey's mom. Joey was outside getting a ding out of my van so we let it go to voicemail. I check it for him (at his request) and it is Joey's mom she is frantic. Seems Joey's sister told her that Josh was extremely ill...no he wasn't...he just had diahrea! So Joey had to hurry and call his mom back to calm her down and fix what his sister did by exagerating. I SWEAR! Then later we do some work around the house and head over to my parents house for some Low Country Boil (boil together Crab legs, Shrimp, pototoes, Corn on the cob minis, and sausage with old bay seasoning bags) SO GOOD! Then we get home around 8pm and go to bed later.

Sunday was a good day. Joey went to work. Josh and I got up and went to church with my parents. Then we came back to thier house Josh ate and then my mom, Josh and I went shopping. First to Target. I got a shower gift for a friend and a 1st birthday gift for a little girl. Also got some snacks and necessities and food for the house. Mom got some diapers for her house Josh some clothes and other things for their house. Off to Caters we go. They are having a 50-70% off baby clothes there so my mom stocks up on long sleeves...forgot to mention it is chilly here now and we need the long sleeves. Josh does not have many due to we were not sure what size he would be in by the time that weather starts...well it started. So my mom bought the whole store it seems. I kept half the clothes he can wear now and all the others will be his christmas presents. Off to the grocery store I go where I buy a crap load of groceries for under $70...coupon QUEEN)

Monday morning. Josh is CRANKY! It is COLD! so we wear some of our new clothes wear our Robeez shoes and even have to wear a jacket! After dropping Josh off at Daycare. I call Joey and we talk about his family a little. Joey is hurt on the lack of involvement of some of his family members with Josh. They seem to expect us to do all the traveling...which is going to STOP. Joey said after he sees his sister on Thursday that is it (besides holidays) His family is going to have to take an initiative to see us and not have us do all the work to keep them involved in Josh's life. Joey's dad visits about every 2 weeks which is GREAT! But since Josh has been born Joey's sister has seen him a total of 5 times and the same goes for his mom too. They make no effort to come see us they want us to come to them because of the distance...do you think we like the distance especially if we are the ones traveling with an infant! So Joey and I decided that besides Christmas and Thanksgiving we are not going up to see them anymore. I told Joey don't expect much response. He agreed but said if they want to be a prt of Josh's life they are going to have to do something about it because we are tired of making them be a part of his life.

I am so proud of Joey that takes a lot to do what he is doing. After I hung up with him my mom calls in. Seems my grandfather (my dad's dad) is not doing well and they would like to plan a trip to AL for 11/30-12/3 for me, Josh, my dad, and my mom to fly down there. My grandparents (my dad's parents) have never seen Josh except in pictures. My mom's mom saw Josh from 2 weeks to 4 weeks old. Plus I will get to see my cousin's babies that were born 2-3 weeks after Josh. I have 3 cousins that went on our NC trip this summer and they got to see Josh other than that Josh has 2 families he has never seen. If my grandfather has to have surgery or if anything were to go wrong then at least he got to see Josh.

OK let's end this on a happy note...I tis going to be a good day at work the boss' are out of the office!

The Aftermath

WELL YESTERDAY...WHAT A DAY! First off it is raining like all hell.

Loaded up my van with the things needed for the meeting, and I ran out of work so fast that I forgot my lunch, drinks, and snacks that I could have during the offsite meeting! I WAS SO HUNGRY!

Get there and it seems no one read the email that states please print the attached and bring with you to the meeting. Now most of the people in this meeting are Ph.D's, M.D's, M.Ed's, Psy.D's, MSW's, and LCSW's (most of them are Psychologists). So they have the higher education. Now this is no offense to those who have higher education degrees but I swear if you work for the State of Delaware and have any of the following degrees your common sense leaves you. OK Off that subject. So SINCE no one did as the email requested I had to delay the meeting to go make copies for everyone (20 people)...and the site I am at has a slower than DEATH copier! Then the meeting does not go as my boss' would like. An arguement breaks out and then it is a battle of the brains and speaking gargon I can't understand. By now I just want to go home I am so frustrated. Well the meeting finally finishes and I get to leave to go home at 3:30 (1hr early for me).

Go pick Josh up...seems his poopy problem resolved itself. Go home and relax for an hour or so. Found out that since I am now a Merit employee and my auto insurance company (that I have had since before I got this job) is in partnership with the State of DE. So I call the company and find out I get a 10% discount...YIPEE! I tell Joey who is very happy...will save us about $15 a month. Well Josh decides he doesn't want to be happy anymore and starts SCREAMING! Now he had just eaten an hour previous so I didn't think he could be hungry...wrong I was that boy DOWNED a 9oz bottle! The Daycare said he was so hungry today he ate 3-9oz bottles (usually only has 2) and ate 3 jars of food with cereal and formula mixed (again usually only has 2). I think he is having a growth spurt...YEAH!

So Joey gets home from work. I cooked a great dinner (pork chops and veggies) and we ate as soon as he got home. Josh ate more babyfood and then we all just played on the floor until 8pm. Josh and I decided to go back to my bedroon and watch the premiere of Biggest Loser. Josh didn't fall asleep until 9:30pm. He slept the whole night BUT once Joey stepped out the door this morning and I mean the second the door shut and locked Josh started fussing (5am) so I got him brough him back to the bed and we cuddled for about and hour. Then I got up and got ready but since I have a little fussy pants I couldn't get my hair to look as great as it did yesterday...so it goes back in a ponytail and gets hairsprayed (have to spray it due to the short layers). I finish getting ready (have to dress a little warmer today due to it being a little chilly). I even had to dress Josh in pants and socks with his onsie as opposed to his usually just wearing a onsie due to the heat here.

Go to daycare and Drop Josh off and then here I am back at the hell hole of WORK! Now today is not too busy for me thank GOD. I have a few communications to get out via email to people all over the state and our providers. Other than that is should be an easy day.

I seem to be feeling better as the week progresses. I am still a little down but feelign better than Monday. To tell you the truth putting it all out like this is helping and my other therapy (Josh) is helping too. I just love that little boy!

Much Love to all!

What is in store for me today?!?!

Well Josh did it. He got up on all fours...only for a second but he did it. I cried. I took pics but they are dark so I do not know if you would be able to see them. I will try to get a clear shot tonight IF he does it again. Also he was up til 10:30pm last night...grrrr! I am usually asleep by 10 the latest. BUT NO little man wanted to play. I finally at 10:30 put him in his crib awake and eventually he fell asleep.

I feel a bit better today. I am already on meds for anxiety and depression so it is just a matter of starting them back up again. I am not about to "LOSE IT" I am just sad and frustraited right now. Definately NOT Clinical!

OK so the morning did not go too well for us. I wake up after hitting the snooze about 3-4 times get my shower, fix my hair (which looks fabulous today I must say...even though it is raining here...pic at bottom), forgot the makeup though (usually do not wear when it rains or is extremely humid), get dressed (even wearing my 3inch heals today), I go to let the dog out (my pug) and he won't GO becasue it is raining and he hates to get wet (WUSSY) well after 20 minutes he finally does what he needs to do, ok off to wake Josh...easier said than done! It takes me 5 minutes to get him awake and then off to feed him before daycare. Now is when the bad stuff REALLY starts. While Josh is eating I hear noises and turns out Josh has BAD diahrrea (sp). Well I hurry to change the diaper and let's just leave it was a complete mess that ended with 2 diaper changes and the change pad cover soaking in the sink...sorry TMI!

OK so off to Daycare we go. We get there and I inform her of his diaper situation. She said well if he does 5 of them for me for health reasons for him you will need to pick him up...not a problem! Have I said how much I LOVE my daycare! Just LOVE HER!

Now I am on my way to work remember I have an offsite meeting from 1-3 today so IF Josh has a problem I need to make arrangements. I just made a few phone calls to cover it...no problems.

So that is my morning! Mind you all this happened from 6:00am-7:15am.

OK so let em back track a little to last night and how Joey and I talked out the problems that got me feeling down about myself. He just has a way of complaining about something and usually I have something to do with the reason he is complaining (ie: complains about how he has to super save now becasue I just HAD to have a different car) so I feel lousy like I am the reason he is upset and I am causing problems. Well Joey doesn't MEAN it that way...it is just him venting about how hard he saves up our savings. Well I told him that when he says those things it really hurts me. He didn't realize and so he just hugged me and appologized for his ignorance. Joey is a wonderful provider for us and I love him to death...even though he literally NEVER HEARS A DAMN THING I SAY! I can answer a question for him and literally 5 seconds later he is asking again! Ok I am going off subject here. So after we hugged and did a little talking Joey realized he needs to watch what he says and how he says it because he really doesn't think before he talks...that is the DAMN TRUTH!

So I talked to my BFF (Jenn) yesterday for about 5 minutes...I think her phone shut off. I miss her (she lives in Baltimore). I did talk to Robbie (mine and Joey's buddy) and we talked about his daughter's first bday party which is next weekend. I asked what I should get her (think I am going to go with a push toy that promotes walking since she is just starting). I always get a laugh when I talkt o Rob. He told me not to pick his daughter up too fast when I see her next week...I asked why and he said becasue you may throw your back out picking her up as she is almost 30lbs compaired to my little guy who I think is about 13-14lbs at almost 6 months old (Dr. appt is 9/21). I just laughed.

Work is very very hectic. Offsite meeting today 1-3 inhouse meeting 9/18 and 9/19. Offsite conference on 9/25, 9/26 and 9/27. I facilitate all the meetings BUT the 9/26 one that one I am just attending. I love my new position...I have been working it unofficially for over a year but finally received a permanent status for it. YEAH I am an Official STATE WORKER! My job is very demanding as I am the assistant to the Deputy Director of Child Mental Health. We are working short handed (our newest employee fell at home and broke her leg) so My co-worker and I are doing a 3 person job with just the 2 of us. Last week I did the 3 person job by myself! I did great. I just never realized how valuable I am to my work until last week. That sounds a little conceited of my but I received over 12 emails stating how they could not have survived the week without me...so I must be doing something right.

So it seems once I vented about my problems on this blog I started feeling better. Guess because I got it out there.

Ok I think I rambled enough for now. I hope Josh can stay the whole day at daycare.

Much Love!

Meltdown

Well most of you know me as the girl who is always happy and cheerful and always smiling. What you don't know is that most of the time it is an act. I am the type of person who puts everyone else first before myself. Now Josh he will ALWAYS be first no matter what.

My problem is I put others feelings before my own. Well I guess I held everything in for too long because I BLEW this weekend. I just stopped and bawled my eyes out. Joey had no clue what to do. He just stood there and hugged me.

I do the best I can and that is all I can do, but sometimes I need some "ME" time.

I miss a lot of my BBC Mommy friends. A lot of them have left the boards (for good reasons), and now if I post there I feel alienated. I have my APA friends but I am not as close to them as I am to my BBC friends. I barely have any IRL friends even though I did join a mommy group, but they rarely meet when I can or the event they are doing Josh is way too young for. I would try to find another group but this one is the only one in my county.

Well onto my weekend.

Friday night ~ we stayed home and relaxed.

Saturday ~ We drove to Burlington County, NJ to see my Mother-in-law, her husband, my sister-in-law, and her husband. It was nice to see them. We ate lunch. Watched Josh play in his jumperoo and later watched him eat his solids. They saw him roll over and all the other things he has been doing for some time now. Joey drove us home and my parents came over (they live accross the road from us) and visited for a bit. They also took Josh for the night (I was about to burn out if I didn't get to sleep in...Joey forgot he was supposed to get up with Josh in the AM so he got to sleep in 3 days in a row) Joey works Sun-Wed so my only choice was to let my parents watch him.

Sunday ~ Wake up refreshed after 12 hours of uninterupted sleep...haven't done that since I was pregnant. My mom calls around 9:30am and leaves a message. I go over to the house hear Josh whining a little and look around the corner at him he sees me and his face just lights up and he smiles and laughs at me...my little guy was so happy to see me. So I find out that we are going to go visit my sister at school...actually we went to Middletown...the halfway point...and we ate at Ruby Tuesday's for Lunch at 11:00am. Kaley played with Josh as much as she could...I know she misses him a lot...and I miss her a lot too. Then we left Middletown and returned to my parents. Did some coupon clipping...I am the coupon QUEEN it seems. and by 4:30 Josha ndI left to go Grocery shopping. Now we did our shopping a little different this time. instead of putting the car seat carrier on the cart I wore Josh in my Infantino Carrier...Oh Josh had a BLAST. He was grabbing for things and laughing smiling and just being all around happy. Some people looked at me funny for wearing him but who cares. One lady asked me why I was doing that I told her it was what suited us. Well we got home and Josh was acting hungry so I fed him changed him and few minutes later he just started crying bloody murder! I try to consol him but nothing worked. I noticed he was knawing as hard as he could on anything he could so I figure it is teething...he has 2 teeth they just haven't broken the gums yet...I think they are now. He also seems to have a slight fever. I lay him in his crib, give him some Tylenol and he calms a little but is still crying. I couldn't do anything so I had to let him just cry it out. I broke my heart so much to hear him but there was very little I could do. I did give him some teething tablets and eventually he calmed down. Then his daddy got home and oh how happy he was. He fell asleep around 8:30pm and I stayed up to watch my guilty pleasure "Rock of Love with Bret Michaels" then fell asleep shortly after 10pm.

Now after my meltdown I feel a little better but not fully. I just need to learn to put myself first.

Sorry if this was a little boring but not much went on this weekend.

Hugs and Kisses to all!